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Beautiful flawed disaster

Call me crazy, but I feel like wanting to find someone honest, loyal, caring, understanding, supportive, smart, and funny isn't too much to ask or expect. I want someone who is willing to be honest about EVERYTHING even if it is painful bcoz if u truly care about someone and love them u can work through even the hardest of issues. Easy is NOT always the best, or even worth it. I get alot of "someone wants to meet you" yay great, but I can't see who they r, I refuse to pay for something that hasn't worked so far. Trying to find someone has become tiring, I'm too old for games, drama, and bs, I can do bad on my own (I have before) I just want something real, something worth the effort, someone honest no matter what, and someone who deserves the emotions I have to give. Is a little obsession and stolkholm syndrome too much to ask for these days lol? I am not so sure about trying this, but it was suggested I actually make a more serious profile about myself to see what happens. I am an alcoholic, I have some sobriety under my belt and that's important to me. I decided to make some serious changes in myself because the person I had become was no longer me and I did not care for her much. Now everyone in my life is like yeah.....we love this you.....this is who we know and remember and want to be around. I will be honest it was the drinking that made me the person noone liked, even myself. I am smart, can be funny, open minded, extremely caring to the point I get treated like a door mat at times which is a downfall and will still lay down after I have been treated like crap and allow people to continue wiping the dirt off on me....like I said, it is a downfall. I tend to have a dark sense of humor at times, can sometimes be brutally honest (I am working on this) I love to laugh, I enjoy art, love music, have a huge heart, have became shy, scared, nervous, I have anxiety issues, trust issues, I enjoy going out, karaoke, live music, being with people I consider friends (I only have a few now because I quickly learned who my true ones are) I LOVE to read, I absolutely ADORE Stephen King, I am goofy, I am a nerd, I worship my children they are possibly my kryptonite and at this point I guess I do not care for a cure, if they can be my addiction I accept that 1 and do not care for a recovery..... if there is a hell then they will be the reason I go because I worship them?? Be honest about who you are, flaws and all. You never know who you are inspiring by simply being you. (I hope to inspire others) It's always the ones with dirty hands pointing the fingers. When the dust settles and I can finally look in the mirror at the woman who survived it all, through the failures, through the flaws...I will hopefully realize that no matter how fragile I am I am still unbreakable. Relationships are more than just dates, holding hands and kissing. It's about accepting each other's weirdness and flaws it is about seeing what the other has gave and you failed to see and took for granted. Recovery: It will be challenging. It will also be worth it. You will relapse, and that's ok, as long as you keep fighting. The worst part about anything, that’s self destructive is that it’s so intimate. You become so close with your addictions and illnesses that leaving them behind is like killing the part of yourself that taught you how to survive. I am convinced now that virtually every destructive behavior and addiction I battled off and on for years was rooted in my insecurity. Addiction is a monster; it lives inside, and feeds off of you, takes from you, controls you, and destroys you. It is a beast that tears you apart, rips out your soul, and laughs at your weakness. It is a stone wall that stands to keep you in and the rest out. It is a shadow that always lurks behind you, waiting to strike. Addiction lives in everyone's mind, sitting, staring, waiting...Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. You have no idea how easy it is to fall back into the darkness, It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure. I am actually looking for something real, someone real, quite possibly the impossible. I want someone who is willing to see the flawed mess I am but willing to be supportive and part of my own personal cheering squad. I will say this I am trying to do my very best in my recovery but I don't expect anyone to do it for me, u simply can't, I have to. I'm not opposed to even getting to know someone battling their own demons, I am loyal beyond measure, that may very possible not be such a good thing i am beginning to realize. I will see ur mess and accept those flaws bcoz I live with mine daily and know it can be difficult at best. I don't ask for u to save me, I do ask to be seen for who I really truly am through the dark. I'm not easy, but believe me, I'm definitely worth it! want to be able to go sit down and talk mad $h** about everything lol.... I just want to smile and laugh.....not really hoping for or expecting anything. Let's go to one of those speed dating things and when we get to each other slam our hands on the table and say this is the one I found them, start making out and walk out together. For some reason the words tat, tats, or tatted up are really sarting to annoy me....smh...

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My Dancing Preferences

When did you start dancing?As a teenager
Do you go to dance classes?No, I don't
Do you attend competitions?No
Have you ever won a prize in a competition?No

Appearance

EthnicityCaucasian / White
National heritageAmerican
BuildAverage
Height5' 4" (163 cm)
Eye ColorGreen
Hair ColorOther
Hair LengthShoulder length
Facial HairNone
Best featureSmile
Body ArtInked all over, Visible tattoo, Other piercings
Health ConditionNo special Health Conditions
My AttractivenessAverage

Situation

Relationship StatusSingle

Education & Employment

EducationHigh school Diploma - GED or equivalent
SpecialtyOther
Employment StatusPart-time

Leisure & Fun

TV preferencesCartoons, Documentaries, Movies
Favorite movies typesComedy, Documentary, Family, Horror, Thriller
Music typesCountry, Rap, Rock, Metal, Electronic, Pop
Reading selectionHorror, Poetry
HobbiesReading, Learning, Music, Movies, Family, Cooking, Cars, Motorcycles

Personality

SmokerDon't smoke
DrinkingDon't drink
Social behaviorReserved
My great timeHanging out with friends, Staying at home, Trying new things, The movies, Relaxing, Reading a book, Playing video games, TV, Going to a concert, Going to a museum

Looking For

Must haveIntelligence, Humor, Empathy, Sensitivity, Oddities, Wit, Thoughtfullness